Pudding
by importantly
Summary: Harry and Malfoy are now friends who discuss guns that produce pudding and house elves who stalk Harry Potter.


"You're odd."

"Oh, that's nice, Malfoy. We finally let you hang out with us, and you call us odd."

"I'm not calling Mu--Granger and Weasley odd."

"Yeah, and that's really going to give you points on the light side."

See, Malfoy joined the light side, announcing his change of heart just months before, when school started. Among those months, he was terrorized by first years, trampled by second years, egged by third years, cussed at by fourth years, dueled by fifth years, glamoured in a very embarrassing way by the sixth years, and poisoned by the seventh years. And thanks to Hermione and Harry, Malfoy was finally accepted as the fourth member of the Trio. But they're still calling it the Trio. They could call it the Square, but who wants to be square?

"By the way, when are we ever going to be on a first name basis, Malfoy?"

"When you call me Draco."

"Draco sounds too stuffy."

"Harry makes you sound hairy."

Even though Malfoy is a Slytherin, he resides in the Gryffindor tower. McGonagall, the new Headmaster, thought it would be safer for those with a change of heart to live with those who support their side, and vise versa with the dark side. That didn't bother Malfoy much. Who cares about your Slytherin past when you're being hunted down by Death Eaters with a grudge? Although, he was slightly pissed off when he realized he was going to have to share a dorm with Weasley.

"Let's get out of here. Ron and Hermione already left. They might think we're doing 'things' in here."

"It's not my fault I'm beautiful, and you're fawning over me."

"It's not my fault Ron thinks I like you."

"You really know how to ruin a moment, don't you, Potter?"

"It comes with being The Boy Who Lived."

"Blah, blah, blah. You use that line way too much."

"You think of _yourself_ too much."

"That never hurt you before."

After Malfoy returned to Hogwarts and announced where he stood in the war, the boy decided that if he wanted respect, Harry would be the place to get it. Though, he knew the fact he was gay would clash with Harry's straight-ness, Hermione, Head Girl, rival to his Head Boy-hood, encouraged him to pursue Harry _friend-wise_. Hermione made it extremely clear that in no way in Hell that Harry would fall for Malfoy. The equation Harry + Malfoy 3 did not play well.

"Damn, Malfoy, you bloody scared me with that gun."

"So that's what this is! Some stupid muggle thing. It doesn't even work."

"Oh, it works. And if we don't get out of here fast, I'll have to test it on you."

"Go ahead. I wanna see how it works."

"You know what, why don't you try it yourself? Just aim the gun at your heart, and pull the trigger."

"My heart? What does the bloody thing do anyway?"

"It makes pudding. Now, if you don't want to pull the trigger then let's go get some breakfast."

However, Hermione saw things the wrong way. Harry wasn't straight, nor was he gay, nor did he know what to call himself. He played with Seamus for awhile. You know, snogging. And right in mid-tongue, the Head Girl and Head Boy decided that their shift was over. So then it was out--The Boy Who Lived went both ways. However, he didn't feel the same way Malfoy did.

Right?

"If the gun makes pudding, why don't we just eat breakfast here?"

"Because Dobby made some pudding, and I don't want Dobby to feel bad."

"Harry, I'm sure Dobby has a gun too."

"Yes, but he served the pudding with _his_ gun."

"I'm sure he won't notice Harry Potter hasn't ate his pudding."

"Don't worry. I'm sure Dobby knows whether I do or not."

"You've got a stalker house elf?"

"Yes, and if we don't get going, I'm sure he will kill me."

"I know that house elf loves you. I very well doubt he'd kill you."

"Yeah, well, he'll suspect something if you keep us waiting here."

"Are you implying you want sex?"

"No, I'm implying Dobby will think we're having sex, so let's get a move on."

"OH, HARRY!"

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Moaning. Maybe that ruddy house elf will go away if he knows you're taken. OH, SHIT, FASTER!"

"I'm not taken!"

"I'M GONNA COME!"

"STOP IT!"

"NO, YOU STOP IT, YOU SEXY BEAST!"

A knock at the door.

"Harry? Uh . . . um . . . Professor McGonagall told me to tell you to keep it down."

Malfoy's lips on Harry's.

"Harry can't talk right now, Granger. He's a bit preoccupied."

"Oh, okay."

Footsteps walk away.

"You bloody idiot."

"I'm the bloody idiot, Potter? Who screamed 'stop it'?"

"You--you--I'm getting out of here!"

"Fine. Then I'll make sure Dobby heard us."


End file.
